Oh, that must have been very difficult for her to transport all this way. These must be meaningful items to you both. You both must be feeling heightened emotions. […] I am sorry, John. Would you like to talk about it?
Not really. […] Did you like any of the other songs on the mixed CD? You mentioned that earlier but I was caught up in the opportunity to reply sharply to you. […] I don’t know why. Perhaps because you are observing me when I think I am unwitnessed. (I am mostly joking, but do not do that.)
Okay. I did. Easy Lover was my favorite, but I liked all of them, actually. You have a good ear for season and mood.
There is a line in Neapolitan Bridesmaid that I thought was funny. “If I lost this thorn from my side I think I’d die.” Because I said I was a thorn in your side axaxa. I guess we both feel sharp sometimes.
A good choice. That type of jazz seems right for fall. It goes well with slightly chilled air and slanted light, I think.
It is funny. And true, in that we let our burdens define us. I could probably stand to do that less. Maybe I would be less sharp.
No one in particular. To me fall is the loneliest of seasons, but not in a bad way. Everything starts to die and you get to thinking about the characteristics of your own life. It’s nice to reflect. […] Although the year before my father had died. Maybe I was thinking about him, in a small way.
Hmm, I know what you mean. It is a contemplative season. To me, the fall represents the return of family and so now autumn inspires loneliness of a certain type. Were you close with your father?
Bold. I have other burdens. Though you are a burden in the sense you insist on rebuilding your house close to the river. Maybe if you permitted yourself to move closer to others, you would find greater safety.
Your family would be away for the rest of the year? What would you do when they returned?
And: yes and no. I don’t think anyone was close to him. In terms of personality and behavior we are actually very similar. Maybe identical. And because of that, I understood him, and so was probably closer to him than most. We did not talk much but neither of us felt as though we needed to.
I do not insist. I only prefer. But I will take the advice of you and Gideon and the carpenters if you say it should be moved. The sound of the river is soothing and being close makes hauling water easier, that is all. I understand that there is safety in being sociable. I do try.
My mother’s family are reindeer herders. The herd swings close to Esso in the fall before dispersing in to the forest. And my mother works in tourism. She always made sure to be home for the start of the school year though. We would gather, eat together, share stories about the summer. Get me ready for school and such. Does your family have any autumn traditions?
That is interesting. I am so unlike my mother. I think I am more like my father. But I have never met him, so I don’t know for sure. […] Anyway, it is nice that you understood one another. […] If you are so similar, does that mean you also feel that there is no one you are close to now?
[…] So, if your mother made sure to be home for the start of the school year and you did not know your father, who took care of you for most of the year? Sorry, it sounds like you were alone as a child.
I have my sister whereas he had no one. […] Difficult to describe our relationship, however. But she does let me stay with here, so there’s that.
Please do not start. In the summers, sometimes I would join my grandparents with the herds or my father's parents in the fish camps. And my mother was not gone always. I had everything I needed. I was not neglected.
Well, he had you, right? [...] Do you think Ophelia doesn't understand you?
Our mother worked. She and my father were never together and he was away most of the year on his ship. Ophelia's father also worked, but he lived somewhat nearby. I liked him. Nice man. [...] So, altogether, I suppose not unlike your family. Less reindeer, though. That sounds nice.
Only connections with people who can conduct themselves normally count. Having one million of me would have done nothing for him. If you think I am bad now, I was worse as a child.
Ah, that’s interesting. I would have guessed mostly the same. I suppose you just feel familiar, somehow. Maybe it is because of our similar upbringings. Was your father a fisherman?
I don’t think you are bad now. It must have been meaningful for your father to have someone who understood him.
Undoubtedly that is why. And he was not, my father worked on container ships. Mostly the Alaska route, until the end. Do you know your father’s profession? I assume he also worked on the water.
You don’t need to say this. I don’t remember how we even got to this topic. […] I left one of my CD cases in my house. Each CD is titled but you won’t know what’s in it. Why don’t you pick one and I’ll lend you my Discman again. It will be an experiment.
Remarkable. Maybe he crossed paths with my father. He was a commercial fisherman, at least while he lived on Kamchatka. But he moved back to Korea when I was a baby and I am not sure what he does now.
That sounds nice. What sort of data are you attempting to collect?
[...] An odd choice on your part. Either you are (sub)consciously drawn to the idea of travel ("drive") or you are just flipping through my CD case for emphasized things. I am getting up soon, so I will leave my Discman on your front porch. Or my front porch, I should say.
(The Spot was a place I liked to sit in Green Lake Park. Nothing especially salacious. I made this playlist specifically to last me the entire drive at night if I took the long way and all my usual detours.)
Oh, no. I was very consciously drawn to the idea of a 'spot,' which I had been hopeful was a makeout spot so that I could glean something about your game. Interesting that you would describe it as not especially salacious though...
Anyway, thank you. For everything. I hope you have a lovely day, John.
Oh. Well yes, I have had intimate encounters there. Not an ideal place, because while it is easy enough to hide that you are drinking in your car, you will then have to drive back slightly buzzed or else wait until the alcohol has worn off. One time myself and my intimacy acquaintance waited for 45 minutes in complete silence after I received a handjob. A deeply sobering experience, in more ways than one. And then—
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
DM, 10/23, early morning
Oh, that must have been very difficult for her to transport all this way. These must be meaningful items to you both. You both must be feeling heightened emotions. […] I am sorry, John. Would you like to talk about it?
DM, 10/23, early morning
DM, 10/23, early morning
There is a line in Neapolitan Bridesmaid that I thought was funny. “If I lost this thorn from my side I think I’d die.” Because I said I was a thorn in your side axaxa. I guess we both feel sharp sometimes.
Were you missing someone in the fall of 2009?
DM, 10/23, early morning
It is funny. And true, in that we let our burdens define us. I could probably stand to do that less. Maybe I would be less sharp.
No one in particular. To me fall is the loneliest of seasons, but not in a bad way. Everything starts to die and you get to thinking about the characteristics of your own life. It’s nice to reflect. […] Although the year before my father had died. Maybe I was thinking about him, in a small way.
DM, 10/23, early morning
Hmm, I know what you mean. It is a contemplative season. To me, the fall represents the return of family and so now autumn inspires loneliness of a certain type. Were you close with your father?
DM, 10/23, early morning
Your family would be away for the rest of the year? What would you do when they returned?
And: yes and no. I don’t think anyone was close to him. In terms of personality and behavior we are actually very similar. Maybe identical. And because of that, I understood him, and so was probably closer to him than most. We did not talk much but neither of us felt as though we needed to.
DM, 10/23, early morning
My mother’s family are reindeer herders. The herd swings close to Esso in the fall before dispersing in to the forest. And my mother works in tourism. She always made sure to be home for the start of the school year though. We would gather, eat together, share stories about the summer. Get me ready for school and such. Does your family have any autumn traditions?
That is interesting. I am so unlike my mother. I think I am more like my father. But I have never met him, so I don’t know for sure. […] Anyway, it is nice that you understood one another. […] If you are so similar, does that mean you also feel that there is no one you are close to now?
DM, 10/23, early morning
[…] So, if your mother made sure to be home for the start of the school year and you did not know your father, who took care of you for most of the year? Sorry, it sounds like you were alone as a child.
I have my sister whereas he had no one. […] Difficult to describe our relationship, however. But she does let me stay with here, so there’s that.
DM, 10/23, early morning
Well, he had you, right? [...] Do you think Ophelia doesn't understand you?
DM, 10/23, early morning
witchhat on. I was only asking out of curiosity, not to condemn your family. […] We spent time with our grandparents, too.I don’t count. And I’m not sure. We were closer when we were younger. Not much left to say.
DM, 10/23, early morning
Well, it has been a very strange year. Maybe you will reconnect. [...] And why do you say that you do not count?
DM, 10/23, early morning
Only connections with people who can conduct themselves normally count. Having one million of me would have done nothing for him. If you think I am bad now, I was worse as a child.
DM, 10/23, early morning
I don’t think you are bad now. It must have been meaningful for your father to have someone who understood him.
DM, 10/23, early morning
You don’t need to say this. I don’t remember how we even got to this topic. […] I left one of my CD cases in my house. Each CD is titled but you won’t know what’s in it. Why don’t you pick one and I’ll lend you my Discman again. It will be an experiment.
DM, 10/23, early morning
That sounds nice. What sort of data are you attempting to collect?
DM, 10/23, early morning
Any and all. There is much to be learned from basic preferences.
DM, 10/23, early morning
DM, 10/23, early morning
DM, 10/23, early morning
DM, 10/23, early morning
(The Spot was a place I liked to sit in Green Lake Park. Nothing especially salacious. I made this playlist specifically to last me the entire drive at night if I took the long way and all my usual detours.)
DM, 10/23, early morning
Anyway, thank you. For everything. I hope you have a lovely day, John.
DM, 10/23, early morning
Oh. Well yes, I have had intimate encounters there. Not an ideal place, because while it is easy enough to hide that you are drinking in your car, you will then have to drive back slightly buzzed or else wait until the alcohol has worn off. One time myself and my intimacy acquaintance waited for 45 minutes in complete silence after I received a handjob. A deeply sobering experience, in more ways than one. And then—
Ah. You are saying goodbye.
A lovely day to you as well.